Coffeestop Contemplations

Today, an exhausting wednesday afternoon, i am at Blenz across the street from SFU downtown campus, sipping a large decaf while waiting for the ModelSim to finish generating the VHDL simulation waveforms. Lengthy wait, indeed. That's why i have a bounty of free time examining over my personal perspective on love and romance.

I am by large not a player style, mainly because of my devoted attitude towards a romance relationship. I am a 40% Capricorn, 30% Scorpio, and 20% Pisces, and 10% of some other signs that have ignorant influences on my personality (I've been regurgetating this very same sentences for god-knows-how-many times); as a result, I treat my romance encounters with quite a bit of seriousness.

But dont get me wrong. I am witty, humourous, and easygoing as a friend or a boyfriend. I am talking about the attitude towards a relationship that I have. Before I elaborate on my long romance theory, I am gonna talk about how I look at those people who takes a careless attitude on love relationships, so-called Players.

Frankly, players are not meant to be players, even if they claim they are. They are so because, I believe, they are psychologically evasive: Afraid of being hurt, afraid of losing, afraid of giving out for something that is seemingly virtual - the Love itself. Under such a fear, they develop their hilarious theory of "true love never exists, why wasting time looking for it?". My translation for this comment is: "I dont want to pursue a happiness which will likely force me to face my fear." Never owned a true love, never feel the pain of losing it. Surely a perfect excuse.

However, I couldn't help laughing at these people. I admit that True Love doesn't exist on its own; it, nonetheless, blossoms into glamour with the sentimental efforts devoted from both the boy and the girl. Just like anything else in this world, how much you get reflects how much you have put in: good grades usually reflects hardworking, grand harvests reflects exceptional cares on crops - even your spotlessly beautiful face reflects uncountable minutes you spent on wearing makeups and exercising skincares. It's the very first Law of Microeconimics stating "nothing is free in this world; you have to give up something to have another".

I know i sound too econimists (here is my capricorn instinct looming large), but this is my viewpoint towards a Ture Love. It originates as an egocentric act - boys and girls come together for the enjoyment of being in a relationship (or some other purposes that i wouldnt wanna mention here). People get involved in relationships because they want to bring happiness to themselves, not necessarily to the their halves - human instinct, self-centered, impluse driven.

However, as the relationship progresses onward, both sides will gradually gain trusts and comfortness from each other; as a result, this barrier of selfishness starts to crumble down. How this can happen? First of all, when the two share a mutual trust, the sense of safety gives them confidence towards their relationship, in which they would feel worthwhile contributing without worries. This confidence in turns propels them to devote more into the relationship - not to make himself or herself, but both of them happy. Gradually, the barrier of selfishness turns into what those players dont believe to exist - the True Love.

True Love is very often way too over-decorated by romance novels and dramas in which Adam and Eve fall in love so hard on each other like tomorrow is the end of the world. Simply Unreal. The real making of True Love under its sugar coating is an intangible bond supported by mutual trusts and confidences between the two. This bond can be so strong that the two live their lives as a whole - every single decision one makes will not be solely for himself, but for the two of them. The boy does something, no matter joyful or painful, to make him and his girlfriend better off, and vise versa. Selfishness still exists - not for oneself, but for the couple as a whole.

This is True Love、a selfishness for the two.

NEVERTHELESS, I really have to exaggerate here, I have made a really critical assumption two paragraphs above: True Love forms under trust. When the two dont trust each other, True Love doesnt pop up from nowhere; it wont be sitting there waiting for you to pick it up. Zip, Period.

Players are naive and evasive. They dont believe the existance of true love simply because they dont have trust in people. They are very reluctant in contributing to a relationship because they fear that they get nothing in return. As a result, they ground themselves in the box of selfishness、preventing the barrier from tumbling.

Things get even more mocking as they explain to themselves that "no True Love exists". If you dont contribute into a relationship, dont expect to get any return from it. A relationship is a matter of two people coming together; you dont trust the other, dont expect the other to trust you. This is the fact, this is the fundamental matter of a healthy relationship, and is exactly what you are chickening away from.

And excuse me of being rude here, it's not that the true love doesnt exist; it's you players' attitude that stops your true love from forming. If you haven't even attempted to obtain a True Love, you are basically outsiders and are not qualified to comment on the existance of it; if you cant trust people, you dont deserve true love. And finally, if you cant even realize this simple fact, there are no better words than "naive" and "childish" I can think of to describe you.

I believe the existance of true love because I have had it. I was never afraid of giving out, and I was never afraid of trusting my other half. I believe in her, and I try to bring her comfortness and happiness. She tried to do the samething for me. And there, we had it, the precious diamond that some dont believe in.

So, back to my story. There was one day when someone told me, in order to not get hurt so badly, dont get into a relationship too deep. I didnt like his idea at all. A relationship without devotion means no trust, and Sorry I dont Buy a Box of Chocolate without Chocolate inside. A shallow relationship means nothing to me; this kind of relationship attracts only those players, and i think it would somehow turn me into a player too. And obviously, I hate players, not to mention being one. If I want a relationship, I want true love with it, and I am gonna strive for it with all the things I have. (yeah, typical scorpio)

Today, the 10th day of being a single engineering science undergrad in vancouver, I reassured my value towards romance. I am sure I made the right decision for both of us, and I believe until the end of our lives, we will still be cherishing the remaining traces of the true love we have had. I have no regret being in this relationship, and I wont be having any in my life. My journey of seeking another true love resumes as I finishes the last drop of my decaf in the paper cup.