Miles Away from Reality

There is a simple reason I cant receive any support from my family.
In different life stages, a person needs different types of support. I am at the stage where romance would pose a much stronger positive effect than parential and peer love. However, all I heard from my parents and my relatives are that I now have more time concentrating on my studies, planning for my future. To me, this is tens of thousands of miles away from the reality im facing.

I've tried too many ways to seekan an alternative support from my family, but all I get from them are these advices that may be perfect for probably my 30s. Concentrate on my career, concentrate on my work, yap yap yap. Put it this way, if I have no clue how to do it, i wouldnt be standing at this very position in my life. I could have chosen to be a deprived high school drop-out, working 10 hours a day at McDonald's for a lowest-standard living. However, I have my self-esteem, and I know I have the makings to achieve significant goals. I know when to concentrate on my studies and when to strive for my career success. That is not what i need right now.

But even till today, even they know I am suffering it, they dont seem to realize that all I need is a tranquil life at home. My dad has always been commanding, bombasting, and very good at popping up something extremely untimely from his mouth. My mom apparently is more sensitive and tries to pacify me most of the time. But sometimes she forgets, and when she does that she usually does something much more damaging than my dad does. In some sense, I know they love me; it's just that the love they give me is thorned, and I just happened to be very hurt right now.

All their advices are unrealistic, and all their loves are only hurting me even more.

I was probably too naive, thinking that I can get closer to my family once I've become single again. I thought I can get the needed and timely support from my family, but all I have right now is a growing repulsion of "coming home". I still love my home, my parents, my comfy room and the welcoming bed. Just this whole atmosphere is completely out of phase with my mood.

So, my answer is certain now. Because my first hope of getting support from my family has failed me, I will get up and get going by myself. I don't care whether I would see my new gf as a replica of my ex, and I don't care that I have to say goodbye to her within less than an year. Right now, even a thin scent of romance would stop some of my pain, even a small trace of the feeling of belonging would reduce my suffering.

I won't wait for the missing piece to come to me anymore. Starting at this very moment, I am going to find the other half of my heart, myself.