Hold Me Tight

Im sure you dunno yet, cause we are actually not that far down from newly met.

Within less than one week, the day that means too much to me would hit me so hard, I probably would have lost myself. It's happening.

I told you I was pretty down this sunday, but i didnt really tell you exactly why. It's getting close to me again, the shadow. Since last friday I have been crying every single night, cause the day where the shadow has come into my life is approaching again.

But I understand very clearly that, there is nothing wrong with taking slow steps with you. After all, because im taking this seriously, i am always supposed to be taking you as my top priority; do as much as I can to protect you and make you happy. However, the only thing wrong right now is my cowardliness and weakness. I am afraid of uncertainty; I am afraid of distance; I am afraid of hollowness; I am afraid of gray area...because they all bring the shadow back... they revive the devils from the spring of last year...

My past has never moved out from my house, and I am too weak and too cowardly to discard it myself. This shadow is everywhere, rendering me unable to convince myself that I will not fall and hurt myself when trying to move on.

I am graceful that I am able to meet you and like you, and would like to at least weave some dreams with you. But as for now, I am too weak to even hold a single needle to thread together a collage... Can you please help me? Hold my hands tight and tell me I am not alone. Tell me that the past is gone and the roads ahead is bright and glamorous. All I need is a trace of confidence and sense of safety... By then, my tears would stop, and the shadow would disperse... Can you help me?

I am sorry that I cannot provide you a relationship in which we can move on slowly as friends first... If you have to blame, please blame me and my useless emotions...